Don't Read This

I am in a mood.  I am feeling incredibly sorry for myself so I thought if I vent here I might feel a little better.
I recently lost a lot of money....and I don't know how.  It was my grocery money too.  When I couldn't find it I made myself physically sick and I think I have money loss hangover now.  Add to that, it happened not once but twice.
Am I losing my mind?  Is this early onset Alzheimer's?  I can't even imagine what happened to it.  I wish I could say I mindlessly spent it on something else but that's not the case.  Nobody could pickpocket my purse and even if they had, wouldn't they take all the money in an envelope, not leave me some?   Nobody broke into our house and again why would they take some and not all of my money?
Then that damn Mary Worth had to have her purse robbed and she had all the contents written down at home and called all the credit card companies within an hour.  Even a stupid comic strip character had more sense than me.   She's not even a real person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have  racked my brain and I come up with....well, nothing.  I remember where I had the money.  I remember counting it out to put in my grocery purse and then nothing.  I'm blank.
Now you might say oh you have a lot on your mind but truly I don't.
And I can't seem to lose weight.  I am getting fatter and fatter around the middle and I'm not pregnant.  Yes, I'm positive.  Too old and no uterus.  I don't think I eat that much.  I think I eat moderate portions. What the heck?  I work out five days a week and I faithfully get weight at Weight Watchers and watch the scale go up every week.  My pants are tight and I look utterly stupid.  I want to look nice.  I just saw the makeovers on Biggest Loser and I know they work like dogs but I try and I don't have masses of pounds to lose--just 20...or even 15.  Why? Why? Why?
And my eyes are going to pot.  I used to be able to work at the computer and do my crossword puzzle with no glasses but not now.  It seemed to happen over night.
My mother in law always said that growing old is not for sissies.  Well, I am...a big sissy I mean.  I don't feel like I mind getting old just I hate getting stupid.  I guess that's the whole thing that bothers me--I'M STUPID!
Now if you didn't follow my advice and you did read this don't make any comments or try and make me feel better.  I guess I need to wallow in my misery a little longer but I'll get over it.  Maybe Santa can bring me some brains.