Monday, February 21, 2011

One Thing Leads to Another

We painted our bathroom and we ended up swapping out handles, door knobs, shower head and hinges because once you do one of those things the other things look......well, used.  I used to think that painting was easy-peesy but it does kind of snowball.
Take our kitchen for example.  I wanted to paint but I also wanted a new backsplash.  I didn't want to paint where the backsplash would go but it turned out I had to because you could see a tiny slash of the old color between the appliances and we couldn't have that.  Then as I removed the painters' tape from one of the wall cabinet, it seemed loose.  OHMYGOSH, the whole cabinet was coming apart and all my dishes were in there!  Painting and backsplashing stopped and emptying the cabinet became the number one priority.  Good thing we noticed it or one day we may have had a catastrophe!
Catastrophe averted and my DH thinks he can fix the cabinet.  Anyway, while we scrutinized the cabinet we thought the hardware doesn't suit our new kitchen and we need new handles all over our kitchen.  So now I have to find something that suits it and me.
And you know, you think you are so clean.  If you move your stove and your fridge, I bet you'll change your mind.  Even behind my hutch, it was pretty dusty and cobwebby and I thought I cleaned behind there at least....every six months or so.  HAHA!  You better believe I'll be getting back behind there once a week now that I saw it.
Anyway, if you have a painting project in mind(especially a kitchen) I have some advice for you.  Be ready to clean up sticky, greasy messes and have a mop and broom on hand.  Don't be shocked by what you see just clean it up and be done with it.  A painting project doesn't mean just paint.  Don't let those experts on HGTV fool you.  They must have a team of lackeys that do the clean up before they come to paint.  If you don't have a team of lackeys then you have to do it yourself. 
Oh, and don't forget to tape.  Tape is your friend. Tape keeps the paint off the woodwork and the ceiling and anything else you don't want paint on.  If you forget to tape, you have to stop painting and do it right then or you will be scraping off paint years down the road and you will be cursing your self.  If you don't believe me, read my blog on nail polish remover.  That is something that is handy to have around also...before painting or even taping to get the old stuff off the woodwork you previously didn't tape.
Actually, when it comes to a painting project, painting is the easiest and fastest part of the job.  So be prepared for any eventuality......your cabinets could be secretly falling apart too!

Friday, February 18, 2011


SAG are my initials and I am doing my darnedest to live up to them.  You see, I am sagging everywhere.  The first thing that started to sag was my butt.  It is so saggy now it has disappeared.  Did you see Lady Gaga in the black at the Grammys?  It molded over her but and I wish I had that but I would wear it on the inside of my pants not the outside.
Beside my saggy butt, my boobs are saggy too.  I know there are all kinds of jokes about sagging boobs and even greeting cards but to tell the truth I didn't notice it much until my son's birthday.  His girl took a pic of our family and my boobs are almost at my waist!  When did that happen?  It sure sneaked up on me.  I feel like I need one of those iron bras like the divas in the opera wear(and Bugs Bunny for that matter) to hold 'em up where they belong.  Obviously, my present bra just isn't doin' it.
My face sags now too.  I know one can get a facelift nowadays.  I hate pain though.  I could probably get Botox but that just scares me.  See, I am allergic to bees....and I hate snakes.  So if it's bee venom or snake venom, I just think I would be injected and probably become horribly disfigured instead of uplifted.
My mouth turns down and my jowls jiggle just a little.  It is a little frustrating.
Well, sagging is not the worse thing that can happen to you.  Actually, it is probably nothing to even mention.  But if you read this, you know me.  I had to mention it.  Especially when I thought of the Initials thing.  Come on, it was inevitable that I would write about it!
So the next time you see me you won't be shocked or surprised if I am saggy.  Just don't call me SAG!

Monday, February 14, 2011

Well, it is official.  I am an oldie.  Really, an oldie.  I just watched the Grammies and half of the time I didn't know what they were singing about or who they were or if they were even singing at all.  The group that won the album of the year I never even heard of and their performance was all strobe lights and guys riding bikes and someone screaming into a bullhorn while a couple girls played violins and another beat a drum.  I couldn't get passed the strobes.  Now I know why they say they can cause epileptic fits.  I almost had one and I don't even have epilepsy.
The young women hardly had any clothes on.  Not in a pretty or scanty kind of way--the costumes looked like ugly bathing suits gone wild to me. Lady Gaga even had some weird prosthetics on her head and her shoulder.  She changed clothes at least once but when she got her award she was wearing something that looked like a Lego snap on suit.  It was heavy plastic molded over her body....even the butt cheeks.  To tell the truth, since I have no butt, I was a little jealous of that part.  The boobs had hooks on them?????????
Not that the folks representing my generation did much better.  Barbra Streisand sang like a timorous mouse and Kris Kristofferson looked downright feeble.
Bob Dylan performed and you could barely understand a word he said and he had a bunch of kids for back up which he needed....badly.  Mick Jagger pranced around the stage singing YO yo yo.  All I could think was that even though he has a lot of youthful energy if he took his clothes off he'd look like Mr. Burns on The Simpsons!
I loved Eminem.  I can't help myself.   He reminds me of my kids at school back in the day.  Even when he raps about terrible things, I can't help myself... I just love him.  Frankly, I never understand a word he raps but that's ok.  I'm sure he could care less.
I loved wearing his red leather gloves.  I want them.  Oh and now I am a fan of B.O.B.  Apparently I can't get enough of those names with periods.   I am now going by as you saw above. It's pronounced  Su- Ess- Ann.   If you run into me, feel free to use my new moniker.  It is the only thing new about me because as I stated earlier, I am an oldie.  And you'll recognize me by my disappearing butt.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Tea For Two

I'm getting ready to serve my Book Club a lovely "low" tea.  Did you know that a high tea really means an entire meal with an entree and everything?  Well, I didn't know until I started looking for recipes that would work for me and my group.
There will be little sandwiches with cucumber or tuna or shrimp salad or cream cheese.  There will be scones with jam and lemon curd with Devonshire cream.  We are serving tiny little cupcakes and shortbread dipped in dark chocolate.
Doesn't that all sound yummy?  Add in some mixed nuts and some Valentine candy and you have the whole menu.  I have 6 different kinds of tea also.
It is the second anniversary of our Book Club so we are pulling out the stops(so to speak)!

The only real problem is the weather.  It is supposed to snow like crazy and some of the women might not feel like driving.  Then it will be a tiny group--possibly even tea for two.  I'm hoping everyone will be brave and show up--otherwise my DH will be taking finger sandwiches to work for lunch!!  Won't he love that?

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Magic Elixir

Well, I've been painting my bathroom and I was so shocked to see how much paint I had gotten on my woodwork in the past.  It was downright embarrassing.  So I looked up on the Internet how to remove paint from wood and they suggested a product which made me gag and get a little light headed.
I toyed with the idea of painting the woodwork but then I thought I'd try something in the least noticeable spot and guess what, I found the answer to my problem.
I used nail polish remover and it took that latex paint off in no time--even stuff that had been there for years! It did take some of the sheen off the woodwork but nothing a little orange oil couldn't fix and they look practically brand new.
So I love nail polish remover.  I used it to get old paint off the door knobs too and it worked like a champ.
Who'd have thought the answer to my problem would be right in the cupboard?
Oh, nail polish remover, thanks for being you.  I love you now more than ever.  I just wish you could see what you have done.