Thursday, May 28, 2009

The Cold Shoulder

We have been watching all the basketball between the Cavs and the Magic. And I have made it my daily duty to check out the shoulders.
I first noticed Varejau after a game and he was there to make a comment about the great win. It might have been in the game before this series but whatever. He was all happy but by gosh he had two big giant bags of ice rubberbanded to his shoulders!! I couldn't believe my eyes. He's just a young thing and to see he had that much pain after a game broke my heart.
Then I started to notice that Dwight Howard had extraordinary shoulders. In fact, you could say they are beautiful! Yes, really. I know it seems silly but they are some amazing shoulders. Just look at him shooting and you will have to agree although I like them best when he is just standing there.
Mo Williams has the most decorative shoulders in my opinion. Other members of the Cavs and even the Magic have all kinds of tattoos on them but Mo's shoulders are the premier tattoos of all time. He seems so little out there but he is around the 6 foot mark(possibly more) and his aggression all seems tied to those remarkable shoulders.
Some girls like butts, and some like abs but give me those shoulders and I'm a happy camper!

Who Cares?

I don't know about you but I'm sick of hearing about Jon and Kate? If you said Who? you are definitely in the minority. I am guessing you said Me too! I don't really care if they get a divorce or stay together. These two selfish individuals have paraded their young children around in front of the entire nation with no go-ahead from the kids(of course they are too young to protest). Maybe some of them don't want to be on television. Maybe none of them want to be.
I can imagine them in a few years from now watching the boxed set of their young lives. I'm guessing they might not be thrilled--especially when the parents are on the couch with no kids around. They reveal a lot on that couch(no hankypanky there--get your ind out of the gutter). I don't think any of us want to hear our parents analyze their marriage! Please, some things are sacred...or just too gross for the kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just imagine if your parents had done that. I know I'm glad mine didn't! I'm sure my kids are grateful that we didn't either.
Now on the other hand, there is someone who is very verbal about television appearances and that is Susan Boyle!(If you said who again you are really in the minority) She has been dropping the F-bomb when people comment that her rival(a twelve year old girl who I saw dressed in a tutu) had a better voice than she did. Well, who'd have thunk it?? The little worm turns!!! Not that I think she should be dropping the F-bomb, but she has suffered criticism and rebuke all her life. People have openly admitted to mocking her and being cruel to her(but not now, now they love her...oh, please) so maybe she doesn't handle harsh words(at least to her ears) well. I say she's within her rights...well, not so much for the swearing.
She isn't exactly a continental type though, is she? We expect her to have the same reaction as someone who is Hollywood trained and when she doesn't everybody goes into shock. I was really happy for her at first but maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she should just be that oddball in her own town who happens to have an astounding voice. Maybe that's what she thinks too.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Apples and Oranges

First let me say, I know I am coming in late on this. That said, here goes.
When I was a kid in school I was taught what I thought was a valuable lesson. It was "you can't compare oranges and apples." It meant that some things were unique unto themselves and you could only compare them to things that were just like them. In other words, you could compare granny smiths and jonathons but not granny smiths and navels. See?
Well, that got shot to the blazes last night as I watched American Idol. How can anyone compare those two young men?? I have seen that Adam boy before--I have caught a bit of the show and never saw Chris until last night(the cute little thing--looks about 12 to me). I was a huge Danny Gokey fan from his first audition and his sad, sad story about his wife. I remember the girl with all the tattoos down her arm and that real young girl who made it so far. But that's it.
So Adam is a big rocker. He is flamboyant and talented. I don't know why the cameraman felt compelled to shoot right into his mouth but that's not the kid's fault. I can see his appeal. He kinda reminded me of a modern Elvis with his flashy clothes and his moody looks into the camera.
Chris was a straight up musician. He played the piano and the guitar and sang real well. He still looked 12 to me but again...not the kid's fault. He seemed soulful and straight up to me.
Now, the voters decide who they want to have as the American Idol. Can they pick the best singer? Which one was the best singer? It seemed to me that they were both great singers and talented and good showmen. They were nothing alike so how do you compare them so you can vote fairly? It was like Billy Joel vs Alice Cooper. Who's the best?? I know I don't know the answer to that.
I know that most of the voters are young girls who are voting for the one they think is "cute." I don't know if they take into consideration any other traits. I don't know if they listen to the judges who are professionals after all no matter how strange they may be.
Actually, it seemed to me that the judges had the same problem I have. How do you compare apples and oranges??
Actually, that might be easier. At least they're both fruits.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Jack and John-- A Tale of Two Heroes

Jack Bauer saved the world again last night and paid nothing for it except he has some biopathogen in his body that is killing him but no big deal.....I know it's no big deal because Keifer Sutherland already signed for a new season. Most seasons he is stabbed and shot and beat up ten times by the bad guys before the day is out but this year he's only supposed to die... no big deal for our Jack.
I love Jack. He has his own set of rules. He speaks in a whisper unless he is upset and then he yells at the top of his lungs...nothing in between. He is loyal to his friends, even Tony, who turned out to be a bad guy. He never wants to be a bother--he would rather die than put anyone out. Just ask Kim, his daughter, she wanted to help him but he wouldn't let her because there was a tiny little risk to her. How dare she?? Doesn't she know that the only one who can take a risk is her father?? Well, she might not.
Ever since she was a teenager Kim has been a trouble magnet. It's not the poor girl's fault. She is just a Naive?? Stupid???? Probably all of the above. But never mind, she has a world class martyr and hero for a father so she always gets out of it.
Anyway, Jack is my hero. Well, one of them....
John McBain is my daytime television hero. He is a lot like Jack. Speaks in a whisper or yells.
He is loyal to his friends. He spent forever trying to save his friend(ie. lover) Marty who was being held by Todd in his house while everyone else swore she was dead and John was nuts.
He never wants to be a bother either. He would rather sit alone in his one room apartment or drink beer on his roof. He doesn't have any kids of his own but he recently married a woman with three so does that count?? They aren't naive or dumb or gullible though. Their father was the one who had Marty.
John was recently tied up in a straight jacket in a mental institution and only escaped with the help of a hallucination of his father's dead and blind police partner and two hundred readings of Harry Houdini's book during his childhood. As he ran out the door to save his friends, he stopped in the psychiatrist's office to grab his leather jacket...... He what??? you ask? It's real leather and black, his favorite color. No matter that in the scene before the teenagers were talking about going swimming since it was such a nice night!! Maybe it was cold in that mental institution...or maybe black leather breathes.
It's good to have heroes, even on television. I am glad I have around the clock heroes. John during the day and Jack at night. It makes a girl feel all warm and fuzzy inside. What did you say?? They're fake? That's what you think!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

All About Teeth

We watched the Preakness yesterday but only saw the wrap up as we were too long at the grocery store to see the actual race and I forgot to tape it. We did see that Rachel Alexandra won and almost got caught by Mine That Bird. How exciting it must have been in real time! We did get to see the owner and the jockey, that Calvin guy, talk to the commentator though and lo, and behold, Calvin actually does have teeth! It has been an ongoing joke around here that the man had no top teeth but he does--just itty bitty ones.
I said that I wasn't surprised a fillie won the race as if I were her I would run as fast as I could to get away from all those boys whose intentions probably wouldn't be all that honorable(what with being horses and all). Plus maybe she thought that Mine That Bird was going to bite her on the.....well, the flank. SO she got outta there!
I had the flight impulse this week too as I had to go to the dentist. Going to the dentist is my worst nightmare and I hadn't been since my last dentist squirted Novocaine down my throat and all over in my mouth. Oh, yes, he did and it was the most terrible experience. I knew I had to go back but not to him and NO NOVOCAINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No way, no how!!
I have the worst teeth in the world anyway. I have giant fillings from when I was a kid and apparently the dentist just took the easy way out and filled two teeth with one filling. I have had three caps and probably more to come as those big honkers start to crack.
Plus I have a tiny little mouth(and those of you who know me may find that hard to believe) with big horse teeth(speaking of horses) and have had four baby teeth and eight adult teeth(including wisdom) pulled to make room for the ones I have.
I still remember getting my baby teeth pulled. The dentist and my mother had to catch me because I took off from the chair after I got a load of the needle that he was going to put in my mouth. I didn't get far but I alluded them for a little while as I ducked and ran around the chair in his office. Needless to say, they won and the teeth came out to make room for the new.
Sometimes I wish I had no teeth but after checking out old Calvin, the jockey, I wouldn't trade my horse teeth for anything!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Grand Finale

We are becoming grand finale addicts. We have watched three grand finales in two days and one of the shows we didn't even watch! We will probably continue the habit with American Idol.
First, we watched the grand finale of The Amazing Race. The last three teams were all good ones and we weren't sure who would win. The deaf kid and his mother were the favorites, I think, because people were amazed at his skills in spite of his handicap. His mother was a strong,strong woman in every way. I could understand why people were rooting for them.
My personal favorites were Tammy and Victor, the lawyer siblings. Maybe because they reminded me of my own kids(in a Chinese American kind of way) or maybe because they didn't seem to be divas and they didn't get involved in any crap with any of the other teams.
There were the redheads too. They were former NFL cheerleaders and the one girl was the meanest, nastiest, ugly American traveler you ever did see. She belittled cab drivers, locals and even her own partner. They were the team I loved to hate.
These people did every thing from rolling giant cheeses to swimming in the Birds Nest to getting a painful foot massage to dressing up in local costumes. All this for a chance at one million dollars. I guess it would be worth it but my husband and I have decided if we ever got on we would probably be the first ones off! We always would decide who would do each challenge and if there was a choice we always decided which one we would pick.
Anyway, Tammy and Victor won!! YAY!!
Then, we watched the grand finale of Celebrity Apprentice. We started the season watching the last ten minutes or so, then we went to watching the last half hour and then the last hour and finally taped the last one and "power" watched it( fast forwarding through the boring parts).
So the last two were Joan Rivers and this poker player, Annie Duke. Joan won. YAY again. The funny part was that the poker player got totally played by the Donald in the last few minutes. She totally thought she won and she didn't have any poker face on.... then he said you're fired and she looked shocked. She tried to cover it up quick but she wasn't quick enough. So how does she win any money at poker if she is that delighted with herself?? She did have a giant ego and was really impressed with herself so I was glad she lost. We still can't stop talking about it though and analyzing what she did wrong and Joan did right.
Last night we watched the grand finale of The Biggest Loser. Just the last twenty minutes but we were both pulling for the 18 year old kid. We saw him a couple times and thought he was really amazing but some older woman won. Oh well, nobody is really a loser on that show except for losing weight.
The season for Grand finales is far from over and we will probably watch all of them! I love them.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Mom's Day

Yesterday was Mother's Day and I had a wonderful day. I remember when the kids were little that they would bring me breakfast in bed with help from their dad. It was always after they let me sleep in. It would be special too. Fancy coffee and some kind of sweet and fruit. If we were strapped that year it would just be cereal but that was ok too. Really I just wanted the extra sleep as I was a tired, run down, working mother at the time. This year, I slept until the usual time but I didn't eat breakfast in bed. Now that I'm retired I could eat breakfast in bed every day and sometimes in the winter I do that especially if it is cold and dark and snowy. My husband bought me a scone and some McDonald's coffee which I love and enjoyed until the caffeine gave me a tummy ache. Oh, well. It went away pretty fast.
My son came over with a beautiful bouquet of roses and the fixings for dinner. He grilled us some marinated chicken(garlic lime, yum), baked potatoes and broccoli. We had highballs and I made a champagne cake for desert. Really, with real champagne. I saw the recipe and had to try it.
My daughter had mailed my gift and I opened it on Thursday so she and I had a long, long chat while my husband and son worked on the garden area around my patio. We must have talked for almost forty five minutes but there is a lot going on in her life and she always shares with me. I am so lucky she feels that way. The boys are filling my beds with river rock so the weeds will stay down and the deer will not eat all my plantings. They won't be able to because there won't be anything left except my large bushes and some decorations I have. So there to them. I am sick of them eating every nice plant I buy. If it gets cold enough early enough they eat even things the nursery says they won't.
Being a mom has been the most wonderful part of my life. I loved my babies, enjoyed my kids growing up(well, ok, not junior high so much) and they are great adults. They often asked me if I wished they were still little and the answer was always(except for the junior high thing but I just lied then) that I loved them just the way they were at the time they asked. It is a privilege to watch your children grow and change and face the pitfalls of life. And lucky for me, they still want to share their life stories with me.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Smiley Face

When I leave the house, I try to always keep a smile on my face. As I am getting older, the lines by my mouth can make me look a little severe and my lips are shrinking also. I don't want to look anymore like a Muppet than I already do(the no lips thing) so I try to keep smiling.
This is an interesting phenomenon...people smile back. It always surprises me as I forget I am smiling and I wonder why they are. Some people go so far as to say hello to me. I figure they think I know them and they just can't recall from where but they better say hi just in case.
Yesterday, I was smiling because the weather was nice and I was driving home from the grocery with scallops(my favorite) for dinner. As I was travelling along and coming up on a red light, I noticed a police car sitting in a driveway on my right. I didn't think much of it so I pulled up behind the stopped car ahead of me. So did the next car...and suddenly, the cop car pulls out behind that car and pulls up on my left(in a turn lane) and the driver looks at me like he would like to kill I smiled....and it didn't work. He turned on his flashing lights and took off in front of all of us and a group of cars in front of us and kept going until he came to a break in the traffic. Then he turned off his lights and continued on his merry way. Did the man ever hear of a turn signal?? If he had one on I would have let him out of the driveway--no problem. Oh well, at least I didn't get a ticket.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

More Hats

Yesterday was the Kentucky Derby and so my husband and I taped it so we could get all our errands done and still see it. It lasted for two hours so good thing we could fast forward through it!
The hats are always astounding. I know the tradition started in Ascot in England but these hats rivaled anything I ever saw in My Fair Lady! They were absolutely gigantic. Not being a fan of hats, I don't think bigger is better(except in the case of Will I. Am of course.) I don't know how they even maneuvered around one another. Well, anyway, they are always a source of amusement.
Another source of amusement for me anyway, is the parade to the paddock. That should probably be capitalized but I'm not sure. Anyway it is when the horses are paraded past and the camera shows them and you can see how beautiful they are and that is when I always make my final pick(after choosing a couple by their names alone--don't try this "method" it hasn't been very successful so far).
That is not what cracks me up. The horses all have escort horses with rings of flowers around their necks so of course I always think they are girls and the runners are boys. This is a very juvenile thought I know but what can I say I am somewhat juvenile. Anyway, the runners are always turned toward the escorts so it looks like they are talking to one another.
I imagine it kinda like this:
Fancy Runner: Hey baby, meet me in the winner circle later and I'll buy you a drink.
Other fancy runner: Hey, if I knock that guy off your back will you meet for a drink after the race?
Sometimes it looks like the escort girl horses are answering them kinda like this:
Escort horse: Oh, sure, like you're going to win
Escort horse: Buzz off..last year my date stood me up
I always talk for the horses during the parade and as usual I'm my own best audience but my husband gets a good laugh out of it too.
This year we both picked losers. Kevin had Dunkirk who tripped coming out of the paddock. Oh, well...he was 11th.
My horse was fifth. I picked Chocolate Candy..of course. Another guilt free food adventure!
The horse that did win was Mine That Bird at 50 to 1. It was an amazing win and since he was from Oklahoma and had trained in New Mexico--we had to like him as those are two of our favorite places. And who couldn't be happy for an underdog with a trainer with a broken foot and who only cost $9500 compared to his buddies who cost upwards of a million? It was almost a Seabiscuit moment!
I still felt sad about Eight Bells who passed away last year. I saw a plaque for her on one of the barns so that was nice. This year no horse was damaged beyond repair either although the two top contenders were both side lined because of injuries.
I love the Kentucky Derby and I'd love it even more if it wasn't for all those darn hats!!

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Hats Off to You!!

I just got back from seeing the Wolverine movie. Not my choice of course but it really wasn't bad. I am not going to do any spoilers here...just a few comments.
My old buddy, Will I. Am, he of the too small hats was in this movie and he was wearing a hat of course but guess what??? It actually fit over his hair!!! I have always thought it would make a big improvement if he wore a hat that fit over his hair and it did.
Hugh Jackman must have worked out for 24 hours a day for at least a year before he made this movie. He is totally buff(in both senses of the word)! Actually, all the men were really buff. Ryan Reynolds is not someone I thought of as very muscly but he was and Naomi Watts' husband too. It is amazing to me that movie actors have all those muscles and are so...let me say it again, buff.
This is the first movie I ever went to where I didn't eat popcorn or candy or have a soda. I was so proud of myself! It might have had something to do with the gigantic breakfast I had at Baker's Square but I don't usually have that much self control. I just got "high" off the popcorn fumes from the kid next to me and the lady behind me who had something chocolate.
If you go to this movie don't leave before the credits are over, just trust me on that.
We don't go to the movies often but if it is sci fi or about a comic book superhero you can pretty much be sure we've been to see it. I save the girly girl movies for at home when I'm on my own. Then I just tell my husband about them when he gets home--over and, just kidding.
There were hardly any cars at the theater and we got a great parking place. There wasn't even a line.....that's because the entire population was sitting in our theater when we got to it! We ended up pretty close not that I had to tip my head back to watch the screen although I've been put in that position. And being an action film there were a ton of explosions so it was pretty loud at times but I still seem to have my sense of hearing and the explosions didn't blind me, so I guess I made it through. A lot of people get killed too but I have learned to watch those parts with my eyes shut enough that I can watch but it is all blurry and not so graphic. Even the cartoon violence gets to me. I have that chicken thing going on!
I like going to the movies but only a few times a year. I am completely spoiled by watching at home for two reasons:
1. You can talk.
2. You can pause.
Could you just imagine if they had pause at the theater??? Ohmygosh, I don't think it would take long for a riot to break out and with my luck, I would be at the center of it.
So, most of my movie watching will take place in the privacy of my own home...oh, yeah, I have a habit of laughing at the most inopportune moments...just ask my husband about Bruce Dern in The Cowboys!

Friday, May 1, 2009

Fat, Fatter, and Fattest

I always complain that I am just a little bit fat and I am --in all the wrong places. I have no but but a big tummy. I have no waist and no hips. It drives me crazy but it's in the genes and it's hard to do anything about it and I guess I'm just lazy..I never seem to conquer it.
Now I'm not the only one who is lazy. By her own admission, Kirsty Allie is just as lazy as I am--maybe worse. You know how she lost all that weight on Jenny Craig?? Well, she gained it all back and then some. She told Oprah how the paparazzi called her a Fat Ass and she still didn't go on a diet. A film crew came to her house and put all her workout equipment back into the house from her garage(where she put it for safe keeping wink wink) and said she would start working out the next day but she admitted to Oprah she didn't! She screamed a blood curdling scream when looking at Valerie Bertanelli's picture from her latest photo shoot.
Kirsty weighs 210 and expects to be "ripped" by November. Oprah told her over and over not to make a commitment like that on national tv so Kirsty said ok, February!!!! OHMYGOSH!!! She is so like me. I have done that to myself a million times and guess what?? IT NEVER WORKED. As soon as I would get close to my goal I would do something a slip off the wagon and start eating again so I wouldn't look as good as I could. Why oh why do we do that to ourselves, Kirsty?? And I bet we're not the only ones.
And then they had on the guy who lost 1000 pounds and gained that all back... OMG!! He is trying again and talked to Oprah but I just couldn't take it anymore and had to change to the Food Network! (I know I know) I just couldn't listen to him tell about his new diet plan. Will he do it again??? Last time he did it with the help of Richard Simmons. Can he do it without him?? Will he only lose 800 lbs this time. Who knows??? I hope he can break the cycle and not gain it all back like some people I know!