SAG

SAG are my initials and I am doing my darnedest to live up to them.  You see, I am sagging everywhere.  The first thing that started to sag was my butt.  It is so saggy now it has disappeared.  Did you see Lady Gaga in the black ...um....outfit at the Grammys?  It molded over her but and I wish I had that but I would wear it on the inside of my pants not the outside.
Beside my saggy butt, my boobs are saggy too.  I know there are all kinds of jokes about sagging boobs and even greeting cards but to tell the truth I didn't notice it much until my son's birthday.  His girl took a pic of our family and my boobs are almost at my waist!  When did that happen?  It sure sneaked up on me.  I feel like I need one of those iron bras like the divas in the opera wear(and Bugs Bunny for that matter) to hold 'em up where they belong.  Obviously, my present bra just isn't doin' it.
My face sags now too.  I know one can get a facelift nowadays.  I hate pain though.  I could probably get Botox but that just scares me.  See, I am allergic to bees....and I hate snakes.  So if it's bee venom or snake venom, I just think I would be injected and probably become horribly disfigured instead of uplifted.
My mouth turns down and my jowls jiggle just a little.  It is a little frustrating.
Well, sagging is not the worse thing that can happen to you.  Actually, it is probably nothing to even mention.  But if you read this, you know me.  I had to mention it.  Especially when I thought of the Initials thing.  Come on, it was inevitable that I would write about it!
So the next time you see me you won't be shocked or surprised if I am saggy.  Just don't call me SAG!