She's Gone

Yesterday I had to go to the vet's to say goodbye to my little cat, Moose.  She had exploratory surgery and they found a cancerous mass and it appeared to have gone into her lymph nodes.  I couldn't let her suffer through a surgery and a life on drugs with no promise that she would ever be well.  It seemed cruel.
I cried buckets for that little thing.  I sobbed over the phone to my best friend to make some arrangements for a party we had to attend the same day.  I sobbed as I asked the vet when we could come and say goodbye.  I cried uncontrollably when we were driving to the vet's.
The Doc brought her into us and she looked like her old self.  She was on pain meds and was wrapped in a blanket that kept her warm and protected the stitches from her surgery.  She lay pretty still while I petted her and my daughter took her picture.....then, dogs in the waiting room barked a little and she was ready to take off and jump down from the table.  I could restrain her but just only.  I cried through that too.
Then the vet came in with three syringes and I bawled and said I couldn't stay to watch her go.  I don't know how anyone does it.  Vet or owner.  But thank God they do so our little companions don't have to suffer.
She's gone now and I feel a little guilty that I didn't stay with her to the bitter end but I loved that kitty like crazy and she had a wonderful life.
She was crazy curious when she was little and ate a needle and thread once and pooped it out with no problems in a couple of days.  We didn't even know it happened until it, uh, exited.
She used to climb up on the bathtub rim and watch me take a bath.  When she came home from being spayed she bitched up a storm in almost English for two days but in the end she only remembered three words: yes, no and MomMom......really, ask anybody in my family.
She loved watching for DH to come home from work and settled herself in her special spot around 5:30 until he got home.  She sat in my lap for hours and she got brushed almost every morning of her life.  She loved her treats and her games.  She would tap your leg to get your attention or bat the newspaper if you were reading it when she wanted attention or more likely a treat.
She stayed hidden away from company but she was in our faces almost all the time.  We loved her dearly and miss her so much already.
Bye, Moose.  Hold a good spot in Heaven for us, won't you?