Sunday, October 12, 2008

25 to 59

In 25 days I will be 59 years old. It is amazing how little I am changed inside especially compared to all the outer changes I've had over the years. I wish I could say I am wise and have learned all the lessons I need to be successful in life but that would be a lie and I gave those up a while back. I still feel as insecure and unsure as I did when I was in the seventh grade at times and I still feel as happy as a three year old at others.
The time has flown just as much as time has spread out endlessly before me. I wish I could remember all the times and things that made me say I'll never forget this. I was a kid, I had kids and someday my kids will have kids God willing. I have loved and lost and loved and won.
I have been selfish and generous. I've made good and bad choices. I've been healthy and I've been ill(though not for long thank goodness).
I've had friends and enemies. It seems funny to think that someone is your enemy but it happens. An enemy can pretend to be a friend but not the other way around. You can be your own worse enemy--believe me, I've been that. You can be your own best friend too but luckily I have someone else to fill that bill.
I have learned a lot of things. I used to think that sexual desire was as the same as love. I used to think that you had to have everything you wanted right then and there. I used to think that everything would go the way I always dreamed without me lifting a finger to get there. I used to think people all thought the way I do. I lived in my own little world and ignored what was real. Maybe all young people do that. Maybe I still do a little.
Hopefully, I have a long time left to learn those lessons that I haven't caught on to yet. Time will tell.