Monday, February 23, 2009

A Night at the Oscars, Part II

Well, the big night is over. I stayed up to watch the whole boring show. Hugh Jackman just tried too hard for me. Ok, he's charming...he needs to get over himself already. I could have done without the singing and dancing parts too. I know he's been on Broadway but he is an okay singer at best. His pal, Beyonce was a terrible lip-syncher too.
Where to start on the gowns?? First off, where was everyone?? I expected to see many more stars especially among the presenters. I expected to see gorgeous gowns on gorgeous women. I was sorely disappointed.
Natalie Portman was the best dressed of the evening in my opinion. When she walked on stage with Rabbi Stiller(oh, I mean Ben) she took my breath away. What was with him anyway?? You know that huge beard was fake. He is such a nice looking man--too bad he felt compelled to play the fool...oh well, maybe it was an homage to Jerry Lewis--another nice looking man who always felt he had to play the fool.
My tie for the worst is Sophia Loren, retired dance hall girl..well, that's what she looked like and Goldie Hawn who will not grasp the idea that she is over 50 years old and needs to dress like it. Her face lift is horrible and her poor little boobies were smashed in that dress trying to make some semblance of cleavage. Get a grip, hon.
Whoopi Goldberg says she doesn't really like to wear dresses.... good idea, Whoop. Her leopard print was ok, I'm thinking of asking to borrow it for my niece's wedding. Poor Meryl Streep didn't do much better. Her dove gray dress looked like an old lady's dress--something Gramma would wear to your wedding. Her daughter looked beautiful though.
Surprise of the night was Tina Fey. She looked marvelous in a sexy dress that showed off all her assets. A big improvement over her Golden Globe dress...she must have read this blog.
Now for the Never-Disappoints! Mickey Rourke, no comb and now he wears jewelry of his dogs. I thought the dog thing was cute when he made the speech at the Golden Globes but really??? Marissa Tomei must have read this blog too because she sat next to him and she looked fabulous. Her dress was really a knock-out(pardon the Wrestler pun). She would have looked good anyway but sitting with the trainwreck that is Mickey only made her more beautiful.
Tilda Swinton continues in her insistence on covering that stick she calls a body with the weirdest clothing known to man and the hairdo that isn't. Adrian Brody should be told that you WASH YOUR HAIR for the Oscars...unless you are Mickey Rourke. Phillip Seymour Hoffman looked his usual gross self and added some kind of beanie to his ensemble--probably because he didn't wash his hair either!
Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn looked like Hollywood royalty and even upstaged Brad and Angelina. Robin Wright Penn is more beautiful than ever and she had legs that didn't quit. Sarah Jessica and Matthew Broderick looked like they were trying too hard. And what was with her giant belt on her wedding gown?? It must be the latest thing because Miley Cyrus had on a giant belt too on her sequin decorated doily dress. I would have thought that the girl from Highschool Musical was dressed in a beautiful dress if I hadn't just seen the Food Network's special on designing Miley's birthday cake. Why, you ask?? Well, one of the cake decorators decorated the cake with Miley's roller skate which had those same flowers on it. So, i just thought the kid looked like a roller skate...or a cake, take you choice.
I could go on and on but I just can't do it anymore. I was looking for an evening's entertainment and I ended up with a non-enchanted evening! this what the recession has done to Hollywood??

A Postscript: My apologies to Mr. Stiller(as I am sure he is reading my blog too). Apparently he was channeling Juaquin Phoenix who has recently appeared on David Letterman looking amazingly like that! I had no idea. Not a Letterman fan. Apparently I am not a big Joaquin Phoenix fan either as I didn't know how to spell his name. Sorry(like he'd even notice)........just watched him on Dave...never thought I'd say this..Poor Dave!

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