Friday, January 30, 2009

Gotta Love Her

Do you know Erica Kane?? You Don't????? Well, let me tell you about her. First, she is a fictional character. Susan Lucci has played the part for about 35 years or so. Erica in Soap Opera Universe is a global star. Everyone knows her. She has been a model, an actress, a business mogul, a television star and married about umpteen times. Those are her endearing qualities.
We thought she had two daughters but lo! and behold, she suddenly (a couple of years ago) also got a full grown son she didn't know about. SAY WHAT??????? Oh, yes, she had an abortion oh, so many years ago but the EVIL doctor saved the embryo and planted it in his own barren wife and she carried to term and the boy lived!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! His name was Josh and, of course, being raised by an evil genius doctor and having the Kane genes, the kid had quite a few problems the least of which was arrogance and the worst was stealing money(like millions) from his brother in law.
So Erica's daughters were caught in multiple tornadoes in Pine Valley(their hometown where anything can happen) and her Lesbian daughter delivered her own beautiful baby with help from her brother in law. Her sister, Kendall, gets clunked on the head and has been in a coma since the summer. Her husband is the sperm donor for the lesbian sister's baby. Oh, yes, and she doesn't know but she's in a coma so everything is fine.
Okay.... so Josh steals from the coma girl's husband and takes the lesbian's girlfriend hostage and the coma girl's husband shoots him but makes sure to aim for the head so his wife can have her brother's heart. So Erica(yes, I was getting back to her) has to decide whether to pull the plug on Josh. She does. Kendall lives but is still in a coma(I heard she is waking up today).
Erica has been busy since Josh died....planning a funeral you ask?????? Uh, no...........Sitting with her coma daughter.....mmmmmm, wrong again.
She is busy running coma daughter's business and chewing up the scenery there and making everyone's life miserable. She planned a double bridal shower for her Lesbian daughter and her girlfriend and her ex-husband's daughter and managed to invite the girlfriend's mother who hates that she is a lesbian and ends up slapping her at the event....and not to be outdone, she also invites her ex's daughter's mother who has been estranged from her daughter and wreaked havoc the last time she was in town. Oh, and forgot to mention they were coming. Because she was visiting her coma daughter and forgot???? Oh, no...she just failed to mention it. She claims she is trying to "help."
Yesterday, when her Lesbian daughter confronted her about it, she did what every good mother would do...she threw a handful of snow in the girl's face. I do that to my daughter all the time!!!!
(haha) She is also prancing around in little sundresses in the middle of winter and I think she may have had a boob job.
She is why I still watch All My Children and I understand why she's had all those husbands. What's not to love???

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