Who's the Fattest in the Land?

Not here in Ohio by gum!  We lost our spot at number 13 this year.
Wanna know why?  Have we all gone on a diet as a state?  Is there a government stipend if we lose 5% of our body fat?  Are we nutritious eaters after getting the shock of being #13?
Heck, no!   Other states just pigged out more than we did.  We are still not slackers in the pig-out department, don't you worry.  We still snarf down our peirogies and ribs and fast food just as furiously as before.
We are not the models of a healthy lifestyle. 

Silly DH and I, what did we go and join Weight Watchers for? Everyone is getting fatter than us with no effort on our part.  I think I'll tell him I want to quit....and then go get me some fries!








Just kidding!

What's the Point?

DH and I joined Weight Watchers yesterday. It is a good program for weight loss. I know –been there done that. Need to do it again so that I can be healthy as possible.

I wanted to join with my DH so badly. Now he will “get it.”

You know how the nondieting spouse doesn’t really get it? They can be supportive or they can be a saboteur(I know a husband who brought his wife who was dieting a hot fudge sundae as a “Surprise”)….’cause they just don’t get it.

DH is not too thrilled about going to meetings as he is the only male there but I’m pretty sure that he will lose weight consistently and become the darling of the group. And I’ll be Darling’s wife who is losing also but nobody cares.

I don’t mind about that…..I’d make a terrible darling of the group.

I don’t mind that I get 20 points and he gets 35!!!!!! That is almost double. NO FAIR!

He got eight points just for being a man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have to prepare most of that food and watch him consume it. I’ll probably lose weight just from being stressed out over how much he can eat…..and he’ll eat it in front of me.

I guess I’m in the market for blinders and a nose plug!!!

Loose Lips Sink Ships

Oh,General McCrystal. Didn't you learn in military training that you don't dis the Chief?

Even I know that and I have never been any where near the military.

Did you accidentally get drunk with your staff and that reporter. Or was that reporter so wily that he caught you off guard?

I bet you hate that volcano worse than anyone who was stuck in a stinky airport because of it. I bet you wish you were in Iceland right about now. I bet you are sorry you shot your mouth off.

But a little part of me bets that a little part of you is relieved to be out of Afghanistan.

Breakfast of Champions

When my kids were growing up, I always tried to present them with an excellent diet. I am pretty sure I did well most of the time although their favorite food was McDonald's chicken nuggets. YUK!!!

We ate meals together as a family and I presented a variety of foods.

My best invention though was the breakfast of champions.

Oh, you might think it was oatmeal with fresh berries or eggs with a good protein and plenty of juice. You'd be so wrong.

For a breakfast of champions, you need a giant glass of milk and leftover birthday or wedding cake. It all started as a joke but it stuck and we eat it to this day. Only occasionally, mind you. Not even after every birthday anymore since we don't always have a cake. We go to less weddings too.

So now BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS has become iconic in our family. Try it--I guarantee you'll like it.

OMG!

There is the right time and the wrong time to say OMG!

The right time is when your life seems to be spinning out of control and you don't know if you can cope.

The right time is when you are so, so happy that you could just burst.

The right time is when you are texting a friend and don't want to waste characters. Ditto for Twitter.

The right time is when you see something you just cannot believe--like the ugliest hat in the world or your ex standing in the same room as you.

The right time is when you are sharing someone else's joy-like they got engaged or are having a baby.

The wrong time is when you are just home from the hospital and your spouse is in the other room. DON"T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm just sayin'.

Things are Tough All Over

The princess of Sweden was finally wed to the man of her dreams....her personal trainer. WHAT????????????????? I know the dating scene is difficult but the only guy she could get to date her was a guy who came to her house on a regular basis to help her stay fit? She couldn't even meet an eligible prince??? What kind of royal world is it anyway?? I know there are probably slim pickings what with democracy and all, but Match.com really dropped the ball here. They could have a special page for royalty.

For that matter, they could have a secret page for celebrities. Left to their own devices, most of them do a mucked up job of picking a lover or spouse. Match.com could solve those problems with their handy bios.

Royalty and Hollywood stars wouldn't have to make up anything about themselves--ok well, maybe they lie if they say plastic surgery or botox free but who cares if they're beautiful, right?

Royalty can be butt ugly--well, that was true in the past(mmmm, can you say Richard the Third?) but nowadays they probably have to be beautiful too which is probably why the Swedish princess hired the personal trainer in the first place.

So if a beautiful, royal, heiress has trouble finding a beau what about these nice girls who sign up for Match.com? What kind of chance do they have?

Oh, by the way, no offense to Match.com but that is the only dating site I'm really aware of. They have to blame their television ads.

Time Flies

A parent doesn't have an easy time of it. Kids puke on you, they get you up in the middle of the night. They grow up and spend too much time on the phone and on the computer or with the XBox. They need money, they get in trouble, they can't remember how to cook chicken even though you told them a million times.

They might call with a broken heart or a ticket they can't afford or a million other things you don't want to hear and sometimes you think, "where did I go wrong?"

Then suddenly they are young adults and their dad has to have surgery and you are sad and scared and tired and they say, "Get out of the kitchen, Mom. We've got this covered" and hand you a glass of wine and you can sit with your poor husband as he is recuperating and say to one another, "Job well done!"

Your Face Might Freeze That Way

Our mother used to tell me that all the time. I am an admitted drama queen and I started at a young age. I had a pout to beat the band and I pulled it out for many occasions. There is even a picture of sis,mom and me where mom is mimicking the face I pulled.

Believe me, I wanted to show my suffering. I always had a knack for feeling sorry for myself.

You know the usual kid stuff about being ugly and awkward and nobody loved me. I wasn't ugly, maybe awkward...who am I kidding, awkward as hell and lots of people loved me. But you know, the drama queen thing.

Anyway, I happened to stop my soap the other day to take a break and the look on the actress' face was hilarious and ugly. Now all the soap people are beautiful and I'm sure they would be horrified to see themselves frozen in time like that. We've done it to Brian Williams too. He was really funny.

I'm sure they would never want their faces to freeze like that!

So for all you youngsters or oldsters for that matter are feeling not so lovely or handsome, take it from me and freeze frame your favorite show. Nine times out of ten that beautiful actress or handsome anchor will look ridiculous and well...ugly. They are luckily only frozen in time for a moment but it is a moment of joy for an old drama queen like me.

YAY FOR THE BUSHES

I never in my entire life thought I would write that title. Well, maybe about former first lady, Barbara, but no, not really for her either.

I write today to give kudos to young Barbara Bush who thinks health care should be for everyone--as a right and not a privilege. Her mother spoke out earlier and said she was glad there would be three women judges on the Supreme Court.

My my, these girls are staging an uprising. Before you know it they will be in favor of illegal aliens. And against racial profiling. The list could just go on and on.

They actually believe in the home of the free and the brave. And aren't they the brave ones for speaking their minds after years of facing us with plastic smiles? I am so proud of them I could burst.

Personally, my daughter and I have no trouble speaking our minds. Sometimes, Laura and Barbara, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Some people(especially men) don't like it when you speak your mind. It can get you in trouble(through no fault of your own).

Of course, our husband/father was never the President of the United States so I can understand your reluctance to speak up before now. You would have been skewered in the press and maybe at home too.

Girls, you make me proud of being a woman who speaks her mind. At least, for today. Tomorrow may be a completely different story!

No Whining!

Mmmmm! Get yourself out to Ashtabula County and check out the wineries. We just had a lazy hazy summer afternoon/evening at Spring Hill, Old Mill and the Lodge at Geneva State Park.

From Vidal Blanc to Cabarnet to Raspberry Reisling, the whole trip was wonderful fun.

We had to drive the strip in Geneva on the Lake which is a blast from the past --a real old fashioned honkytonk kind of vacation spot.

The lodge was beautiful and we had a wonderful meal with a mushroom corn chowder that just rocked! We finished off our meal with Creme Brulee Cheesecake--good thing we shared otherwise it would have been heaven overload.

We are really enjoying our winery experiences. Try it --you may like it!!

Did She or Didn't She?

Yesterday, during my workout, one of the women said that she heard that Sarah Palin got a boob job. Palin denies it, saying she was just wearing a pushup bra. I know, who cares, right?

Nobody should but I bet people do.

Anyway, that is not the point of this blog anyway. My DH says at dinner that he heard the same thing. He doesn't think she got one. Why, you may ask? Because he checked her out during the campaign and decided hers were pretty....shall we say...substantial.

I was laughing so hard I nearly choked on my wine. It figures a man would check out the boobs on a political candidate! Is she qualified for the job? Who cares? She has a nice rack. DH says he can't help it if he notices that when he checks out a woman. Plus, he asked me, all serious like, when did she have the time? What a riot!

I say, girls, we are missing the boat. We better start checking out those Pecs and Packages on the guys we see.....I don't know about you but the next time some man runs for political office--I'm checkin' him out. Is he qualified for the job? Who cares as long as he has a ...shall we say...a substantial....package!

Anyway, I agree with the women at my gym who all agreed that if she bought a bra that makes them look that good, she should share. After all, she is such a woman of the people she probably bought it at Target or JC Penney!

I'm sure she really did get a boob job but what celebrity is going to tell the truth about that besides Joan Rivers and Heidi Montag?

A Watched Pot

Yesterday, I must have looked out our front window over a thousand times. The afternoon before I only looked 500 times. Let me tell you, like the proverbial pot, a watched driveway doesn't fill up with a truck.

I was waiting for the cable guy. The day before yesterday, a worker rototilled my garden and my cable! I called right away and she said they would be there that day. Liar! When I called the next morning, the automated voice said I had an appointment and my window was.........8 am til (wait for it) 8 pm. What kind of window is that?? My gosh, that's my entire day!!!! Needless to say, I was a little anxious for the truck to get here.

I missed my workout the first day because of waiting. I sure didn't want to miss another one! Hence me looking out the window so much. I also had no cable or Internet so I had to keep myself busy cleaning house and reading. I did the crossword, the wordsearch and the jumble. I cleaned my bathroom until it sparkled. I dusted the entire house. It was noon. I ate lunch and rolled pennies(no kidding). It was almost one.

At last, my sister called to have a chat and after a few minutes on the phone with her, the truck arrived. In less than a half hour all was restored and I had plenty of time before I went to my workout.

The funniest thing was the cable guy called me on the phone before he even left the driveway to tell me that when the kid comes back to dig in my garden, he should avoid the area where the cable was. I just laughed and said, "Oh, he's never touching that again!" The cable guy got a kick out of that and finally left.

So all is well here....... at least for now.

Alter Ego

Remember when Garth Brooks had an alter ego?? I thought he was nuts with a capital N. Apparently, Tom Cruise is nuts too. Well, I guess we already kinda knew that(Oprah's show, remember?).

The interesting thing is that Cruise's alter ego is bald and gray and wears suspenders. His name is Les Grossman. He is aptly named. He is gross. Why would Tom want to run around dressed like that and boogy down at the MTV awards? Beats me. He must be nuts.

If I had an alter ego she sure wouldn't be fat or have a big mole or wear curlers all the time. In fact, I am considering naming her Suzette LaGoose. She will be gorgeous with long blonde hair that shines in the sun and an amazing tan and a gorgeous body fit for a catsuit. What?? I have to turn into her? Oops--guess she'll just have to be my avatar...if I can ever figure out how to make one!

The Perfect Food

Well, I bet you thought the egg was the perfect food. Remember the ad campaign that told us so? Well, I'm here to tell you that they are so, so wrong. The perfect food was finally invented and it is the Pretzel M&M. Hmmm, seems like I have a pretzel theme going this week.

Anyway, they are little nuggets of pretzel wrapped in chocolate and candy coated--can't you just see them jumping into the chocolate pool??? Oh, you might be too young to remember that ad campaign. Now that I think of it, it's pretty old.

Run do not walk to buy these things. They are sweet, crunchy, and salty. The perfect combination especially if you are a girl or woman--we seem to be afflicted with the sweet/salty syndrome.

Men, you can enjoy these too. There are plenty to share.

There are a lot of really yummy candies out there. I'm sure you have a favorite but believe me this one is perfect!

SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This has been a week of surprises. First of all, someone is marrying Rush Limbaugh. And to my surprise, three other women did it before her. What were these women thinking? Anyone that opinionated has to be hard to live with.

Another shocking surprise( sarcasm here) Miley Cyrus' boyfriend broke up with her and moved out of her house! First, how kind of him to move out and secondly, isn't she like 17?? Her parents let her have a man live with her?? What is wrong with these people-- I thought her dad was against achey-breaky hearts and if that wasn't the formula for heartbreak I don't know what is.

Reportedly, Tom Cruise didn't want to walk the red carpet with Joshua Jackson, Katie's old boyfriend. HA!! What a surprise(more sarcasm here) Tom Cruise is threatened by Pacey!!! OMG! I hope Tom doesn't find out Joshua's from a different dimension( FRINGE reference--watch the show it's really good). That would really freak him out. Oh, he even asked for beefed up security because of Jackson--more proof that he has Katie hypnotized.

You may remember Bjork, the singer who wore the swan dress --well, surprise(giant sarcasm here) she's done it again. No, she didn't break out the old swan dress instead she wore the dress in the picture up top. Lovely, isn't it? Kinda like she got wrapped in foil--at least, it's gold fold and not aluminum! Actually, it is just her style if you ask me and check out the hose--Her big toe is protruding. I guess she hasn't heard up there in Iceland that no hose is the way to go nowadays.

I'm sure more surprises await us. After all, I got my surprise yesterday--a pimple at age 60. Yes, I know--I'm neurotic as a pretzel. SURPRISE!!!

Neurotic as a Pretzel

I heard that expression today in an old movie with Rosalind Russel. The woman told the guy he was no more neurotic than a pretzel!!!!!!!! I thought that was so funny.

But now I'm finding myself being neurotic. I am obsessing over a pimple. That's right, a pimple.

I am sixty years old and I have a pimple on my chin. What the heck??? I haven't had a pimple since I don't know when--probably over 30 years ago! That is my son's entire lifetime. So why now?

Could it be that I'm a little stressed out?? Could be. Could it be that I have been obsessing over my dry skin and trying to get it to be a little softer and maybe the product I picked isn't the right one? Could be since my skin still feels dry and NOW I HAVE A PIMPLE!!

Could it be that I want to squeeze it out right here and now and all I can hear is my mother's voice telling me not to touch my face?? You bet I want to get rid of that sucker pronto but I'm afraid it will get all red and bleedy and that will look even worse. I could put make up over it but then I will have a patchy look to my face and I don't want that either.

SO I guess I will have to live with it. Hope it doesn't have any friends waiting to pop up.

Now does that make me as neurotic as a pretzel? I don't know... you'd have to ask Roz Russell.

Golden Girl

All the Golden Girls are gone now. Rue McClanahan passed away from a stroke. We only have Betty White left and boy, she seems to have a lot left in her!

I loved the Golden Girls. I loved that Blanche was a sexpot and that Dorothy's mom called her Pussycat. I loved the made up Scandinavian words that Rose would use. I loved their clothes but not their hair styles so much.

I loved when Rose had Rhoda's dad for a boyfriend. I loved Stan--he was such a lovable schmuck. I loved how surprised Blanche always was if Dorothy was going out.

Most of all I loved Sophia. She was a hoot and a half. She claimed to have slept with every famous Italian in modern history. She was not afraid to speak up ( I always thought she used her medical condition as an excuse) and sometimes she was wise beyond words. I loved when they showed her and Dorothy's little dad.

I always loved the show because it showed that life went on as we women get older and it's still interesting and unexpected things happen. There is still humor and love. Nobody could say that these women were old and used up!

Thank you for being my friends, girls... and Betty, don't hurry off now, you hear?

It's a Long Way to Tipperary

I only picked this title because it has Tipper in it and I want to talk about the Gores.

Forty years is a long, long time. Really, it is. Yay for them for making it this long.

He's been given a lot of press and prestige from his work on global warming.

She's been a mom and an advocate of parenthood...for which she gets little or no press or prestige.

Women must chase after him. He has money and power and fame.

Men probably don't chase after Tipper...after all she is a mom and she is over thirty.

I don't feel sorry for her. She might be happy as a clam to get out of the whole thing.

Maybe she is sick of sex. Remember that big sloppy one he laid on her when he ran for president or vice president? (I forget which one as I try not to think of that weirdly uncomfortable moment in our history) She seemed kinda surprised then...like it didn't happen very often(Thank Goodness)

She'll have plenty of money and a house or possibly houses. Her kids will still love her. Maybe she'll take a lover like Jackie O...oh, sorry I mean a friend and escort.

He'll be fine fine fine...don't you worry about that. Even if she told him to take a hike for no apparent reason except that she's grown apart from him...he'll be fine. Bet he gets married within two years!

Anyway, I'll miss you Al and Tipper. You always reminded me of couples I knew in college who got together and married. You were successful and most of the time, fit and healthy. Now that you've grown apart, I am not all that surprised. I mean 40 years is a looooong time!!!

In My Opinion

You know I 've been reading the Yahoo news bits lately and boy, I sure have learned a lot from the world of entertainment to what to cook for dinner that is easy and fast. I don't ever comment on any of them. After all, that is what this blog is for!!

I read a little about Lady Gaga on Larry King's show and she sure is something. I only ever saw her on the Grammys when she played the piano and performed with Sir Elton John. I was not impressed but she could play a mean piano!!

I guess she is pretty out there because there were 9 pages of comments about the article. If you don't believe me go see it for yourself. I only read one page because the opinions were giving me a stomach ache. I mean, everyone is entitled to their opinion but really folks, this is only some young girl who is in the entertainment business. You all seemed pretty riled up under the circumstances.

Why don't you get riled up about something important like the oil spill or unemployment and let Lady Gaga alone. I mean, the kid calls herself, Lady Gaga....what would you expect from her???

She isn't claiming to be Beethoven or even the fifth Beatle for that matter. So maybe she's gay..maybe she's a man(these are some of the opinions I read) so what?? That really doesn't impact us very much.

Maybe your neighbor doesn't have enough to eat today. Maybe the old lady across the street can't afford her medications. Maybe someone you love found out they have a catastrophic illness. Maybe your coworker had a huge fight with the love of her life. Maybe Al Gore and Tipper won't get back together...oh, wait I digress.

Seriously, we have a skewed idea of what's important when we spend that much time worrying about anything concerning Lady Gaga. Get a grip, folks.

Brown Eyed Girl

OHMYGOSH! I can't believe that Clevelanders chose Brown Eyed Girl as the number one rock song of all time! The Beatles, who everyone knows were geniuses, weren't even in the top 100. What is wrong with you people??????

First I have to admit to prejudice against the B.E.G. as someone I knew in college thought it was all about her and truthfully, she wasn't my favorite person so every time I hear it I think of her and I would just rather not. Funny thing though I can't even remember her name--brown eyes and all!

Second, I think the radio station just put their playlist out there and people had to vote from it. So not fair considering they play the same songs over and over and over. Personally, I like variety. So why am I listening to the radio, right?

Geez, I don't even have a good answer for that other than I am just a creature of habit. Plus, I only have one cassette left for my cassette player and my CD player is not in working order. Hence, the radio.

I don't even listen to that channel frequently. But I just had to know what they picked as their number one.

Believe me that isn't the only sin on the list. Get a load of this:

At no.19 Build Me Up, Buttercup Beat out It's Been a Hard Day's Night and I Wanna Hold Your Hand(which now that I think of it isn't even on the list)

The Archies" Sugar, Sugar was on the list but nothing by the Police or Sting!!! The Archies weren't even real for crying out loud!!

At no. 28 Still the One beat out the Turtles' Happy Together. My gosh, they named a whole tour after that song!

Dancing in the Moonlight beat the Beatles...for heaven's sake, Paul McCartney and Wings beat out the Beatles at 264!

Don't get me wrong other than B.E.G. I like all these songs. But better than the Beatles?? Come on now.

At least the Rolling Stones got in the top ten-Mick Jagger will be so proud!