Monday, July 14, 2008

Time Goes By

I was married 29 years ago today. It hardly seems like that time could have passed so quickly but it has. I always had a very romantic view of marriage and what it should be. All those romantic musicals and love stories I grew up on weren't fiction to me, they were how things should be. You know, the hero always expressed his love eloquently(or sang it preferably). The girl always got the man she wanted and not the man who she settled for. If she did settle, then her true love would come and sweep her up and get her out of there.
I had on rose colored glasses and married my husband with a song in my heart if not on his lips so I thought everything was perfect. Plus I had a short and terrible marriage when I was very young for comparison. Naturally, I thought I was at the gates of marriage heaven.
Marriage heaven probably does exist but you can't just say it and make it so. You have to work on it. I took a long time to hear that yet alone believe it. I used the wrong measurements to decide if and when my marriage was working.
You have to work on it and make necessary changes in yourself and your spouse has to do the same. You have to compromise and be willing to let the other person have their way...gladly, with no resentment. You have to support each other and even agree to disagree.
Maybe most people know that going in. I didn't. I had to learn and it took a long time. I don't want my husband to sing his love to me...I just want him to share it.
Please don't think I am deluded enough to think that I am an expert or have the answers. Every couple has to decide that for themselves. I just wanted to share what I have learned on this momentous occasion. If you are married, keep working on it. If you are single, wait until you find the one who is willing to work with you for a lifetime.

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