Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Failing Enlightenment

Oprah would be so sad about me. I haven't gone to class in three weeks. I do have a good excuse--I was on vacation for two of those weeks and nobody goes to class on vacation. I am not doing to well on remembering the lessons I did learn anyway.
First, I am mad at a few people. I wont mention names but one was really unkind and just nasty to a loved one of mine. The other one was thoughtless and inconsiderate to me. I am not forgiving of them. My ego won't let me. I cannot dig the fact that their behavior is their ego and not their real "selves". Or that it is just their pain bodies acting out. Oh no, they were both just mean. Thoughtlessly mean, perhaps, but mean just the same.
So am I rising above it all and staying in the now? NO WAY!!! I am not Gandhi. I am not Oprah. I am not even the best Sue I can be. SO there!! It is easy to be enlightened when you are a respected world leader or the richest woman in the entertainment field. I'm pretty sure nobody is ever mean to them. Even though comedians make fun of them, I'm thinking they can probably handle it.
Me, not so much. I take things to heart. I am a little insecure. I want people to be nice to me and mine. I don't want to be forgiving people all the time and understanding them. I want people to understand me. Is that so wrong? I don't think so.
Second, that Ekhart Tolle guy gives me the creeps a little. He is just too calm for words. I wonder if he has a family or friends. He doesn't say much so I wonder if anyone can really connect with him. I guess I like passionate people better than calm ones. Maybe that is because I am a little intense myself.
Third, I can't be still. I can't seem to help myself. My head is almost always reeling. I thought it was a sign of creativity but apparently it is just my ego and pain body stayin' alive. Well, maybe that's ok. The whole class seems to be telling me that I am far from ok. I understand it but I can't seem to do it.
So, if you meet up with me don't expect me to be in the now or nonreactive or completely kind and nonjudgemental. I'm still just me but remember...I'm OK, You're OK!

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