Lambs to the Slaughter

Last night we had our pictures taken for the church directory. 7:20 pm In and Out. No such luck. Apparently they were behind because the computer software had a glitch and decided to glitch before we got there. There were 4 families waiting when we got there. Oh, boy, here we go.
We never had much luck with church pictures. The very first one we had as a family was with my mother and my sister and brotherinlaw. We all looked very nice. My daughter who was days old was even all dressed in a cute little office. The man arranged us to his satisfaction, looked in the camera and said to me, "Ma'am could you hold the baby up a little more? She looks dead." I swear that is the truth. I did hold her up and she looked fine--just newborn.
We had our picture taken again when my kids were in highschool. It was after school, we were all tired, wrinkled and late. I met my kids in the parking lot and we went in and just got it over with. I hated that picture.
The next time, the kids were in college and out of the house so just my husband and I went. I bought a special jacket for the occasion--turquoise blue--to look good in the picture. My hair was in a non cooperative mood and decided to go into a flip. I never wore a flip since the eight grade so I looked nothing like myself in that picture. We hated it.
So this time, I didn't buy anything special to wear. I wore a green shirt and my husband wore light blue. We got a little rained on but with all the waiting we were dried out by the time we went in. We fluffed our hair and took our seats and did just what they told us to do. Don't photographers make you pose in the weirdest positions?? Tilt your head, slide your leg over, blah, blah, blah...but I was confident it couldn't be as bad as the last time. It wasn't.
IT WAS WORSE! We saw the immediate results and I could have just started laughing. I held it in though as the poor salesman started his pitch. We looked at all the sample photos, our proofs and then told the guy we weren't buying any. He looked shocked but wished us a blessed evening and we left.
We could hardly contain ourselves as we passed up all the waiters. Someone said Are you done and I made the sign of a hangman's noose around my neck. They all laughed so finally we could too and I laughed my head off all the way to dinner and halfway through.
Next time, I'm saying no thanks to pictures. I will be on the last page "Not pictured."